Welcome to the craziness that is my life!

This is my story in pieces. The good ones, the bad ones, and everything in between. It is messy and flawed...just like it's author. I am not a selfliss person...I am not an angel...I am a loud, opinionated, most of the time crazy, Mom. I write here the things I cannot discuss in my "day to day life". These views are my own, from my own journey. Adoption has changed my life forever, some for good, some not so good. If you don't agree with me, that's fine. It's not your story...it's mine. Consider it a manual on "How Not To Act/What Not To Do When You Are Pregnant and Considering Adoption". If you learn nothing else, learn to educate yourself to the long term affects on yourself, your family, and the child you chose to place.

Oh...and please, don't call me "bitter". I prefer the term "enlightened".

***DISCLAIMER-I don't speak for anyone but me...in this story or in life. It is here as an educational tool if anyone chooses to learn something. I appreciate comments always.***

P.S. Just because I don't actively blog doesn't mean I still don't LOVE comments. Yes, I still check them. I guess I would just rather hear YOUR thoughts, than share mine.

If you missed the story, start reading the "Posts of Some Significance" located directly underneath and to the right of this. That's the story in a nutshell.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Happy Birthday to Me!

Anyone that knows me knows how insane I am when it comes to my birthday. I LOVE my birthday. From the moment I wake up until the minute I close my eyes, and every moment in between...it is the ONE day of the year that is all about me.

I throw selflissness and humility aside, and make sure I get center stage. Christmas is for my kids. Anniversaries are an excuse for the hubby to get a full body massage. Valentine's Day is a Hallmark creation. But MY birthday is sacred...at least to me. It is the one day of the year that I do not let "real life" touch me. There is no sadness allowed to ruin my parade. It is the one day a year I think only rainbows, butterflies, and Balloons. God, do I love Balloons. Forget the roses...I will take a brightly colored bunch of balloons over almost anything.

This year, however, is my first birthday post adoption. I have to admit, I was a little worried about that. While I do not consider it as a bad thing, little negative or sad thoughts run in and out of my mind for a split second here and there A LOT these days. I think most first moms know what I mean when I say that Adoption is kind of like a constant dull ache. Not enough to immobilize you, but just enough that you are always aware of it. And today, I did NOT want to be aware...I wanted to be ignorant.

Imagine my total shock and surprise when I opened my inbox this morning, and there was an email from L*, my AMommy. And this was not the typical email either. It was NOT a baby update (though she promised to send one in a couple of weeks). It was long, it was heartfelt, and it was all about ME!!! About how often they think of me, and WHAT they think of me, and of how much they love me. And that today...they really hoped I was celebrating "me" and what a wonderful person I am, as they do every day.

I was shocked. And then I felt bad, because my last blog post was the rant and rave about some issues I was having in my head and heart with them. But like we've all said...this is a lifelong rollercoaster.

Today was a peak...a very high point, on my most favorite day.

"Because time itself is like a spiral, something special happens on your birthday each year: The same energy that God invested in you at birth is present once again." ~Menachem Mendel Schneerson

1 comment:

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