Welcome to the craziness that is my life!

This is my story in pieces. The good ones, the bad ones, and everything in between. It is messy and flawed...just like it's author. I am not a selfliss person...I am not an angel...I am a loud, opinionated, most of the time crazy, Mom. I write here the things I cannot discuss in my "day to day life". These views are my own, from my own journey. Adoption has changed my life forever, some for good, some not so good. If you don't agree with me, that's fine. It's not your story...it's mine. Consider it a manual on "How Not To Act/What Not To Do When You Are Pregnant and Considering Adoption". If you learn nothing else, learn to educate yourself to the long term affects on yourself, your family, and the child you chose to place.

Oh...and please, don't call me "bitter". I prefer the term "enlightened".

***DISCLAIMER-I don't speak for anyone but me...in this story or in life. It is here as an educational tool if anyone chooses to learn something. I appreciate comments always.***

P.S. Just because I don't actively blog doesn't mean I still don't LOVE comments. Yes, I still check them. I guess I would just rather hear YOUR thoughts, than share mine.

If you missed the story, start reading the "Posts of Some Significance" located directly underneath and to the right of this. That's the story in a nutshell.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

FORMSPRING QUESTION ANSWERED...All states have their own laws for adoption. Do you feel that Arizona is more birth family friendly or adoptive family friendly? Is there anything about Arizona adoption law that you would like to see changed?

Ooooh....good question. Please bear in mind that I do have a particular bias being a birthmom, and that I am NOT a legal professional. That being said, I VERY strongly feel that Arizona is much, much more Adoptive Family Friendly.

In the state of Arizona, birthmothers cannot sign paperwork until 72 hours after birth, and once their signature is placed on those pieces of paper, it is 100% final. Non revokable for any reason what so ever. AZ law does NOT require that a birthmother have her own legal representation. Arizona provides a FREE service for Adoptive Parents to do all of their court proceedings and finalization, and will not give a birthmother any information regarding any of that. They will NOT answer any legal questions, nor provide direction as to where a birthmother can go to get the help she needs. I cannot tell you when M* and L*'s adoption finalized, because the court won't tell me and neither will they. AZ does not require birthmother counseling or follow up for her or her family. That wouldn't be such a big deal to me, if it wasn't required or offered for Adoptive Parents, but it is.

On a positive note, AZ is one of the few states that will enforce an Open Adoption Agreement, if the birthmother is given the proper guidance necessary to draft one to her liking. However, if she is without counseling, a lawyer, or smart enough to educate herself ahead of time, she may choose to not even fill one out. Such was my case. And because of the 72 hours they allow before erasing the birthmother's existence, there is nothing I can do short of praying for divine intervention to change that.

Over a year later, I have minimal information on what goes on in their lives. I am broken hearted, and have suffered through losing the majority of my friends, and severly damaged my relationship with my family. Those wounds cannot be repaired, and for the most part are my own fault. But I do strongly feel that if there were more laws in place to safeguard a birthmother's rights, that less people would be hurting like that.

As far as what I feel should be changed....what a fun thought. I think that there should be a required, court ordered "mediation" of sorts where counseling, legal representation, and openess should be discussed by both Adoptive Parents and Birth Parents. Something official, and documented. Something that would prevent things like, "Well if we spend all that money on your lawyer, there won't be as much to provide for the baby", or "We'll absolutely keep you updated", or even better, "We can't think of a bigger waste of money than to hire a lawyer for something we all agree on anyways". It's despicable. Counseling should be mandatory as well.

Now I KNOW IN MY HEART that not all Adoptive Parents are like that. I will go one step further even, to say that in some ways I can genuinely understand the ones that are like that. But just because I can sympathize an Adoptive Parents loss of becoming parents the conventional way, does not mean I can endorse those women who get screwed over by those who do not have the decency to lay out their actual plans. There are women, even in this age, who chose closed, or semi closed adoptions. But 72 hours is NOT enough time to make that determination...at least not in my opinion. Most women are still in the hospital at that point, worn out from labor and hormones and everything else. Granted, I went home 8 hours after birth, but that should have been stopped too.

This is getting rambly, so I will leave it at that. Thanks for the question. It was fun to answer, even if it never changes anything.

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