Welcome to the craziness that is my life!

This is my story in pieces. The good ones, the bad ones, and everything in between. It is messy and flawed...just like it's author. I am not a selfliss person...I am not an angel...I am a loud, opinionated, most of the time crazy, Mom. I write here the things I cannot discuss in my "day to day life". These views are my own, from my own journey. Adoption has changed my life forever, some for good, some not so good. If you don't agree with me, that's fine. It's not your story...it's mine. Consider it a manual on "How Not To Act/What Not To Do When You Are Pregnant and Considering Adoption". If you learn nothing else, learn to educate yourself to the long term affects on yourself, your family, and the child you chose to place.

Oh...and please, don't call me "bitter". I prefer the term "enlightened".


***DISCLAIMER-I don't speak for anyone but me...in this story or in life. It is here as an educational tool if anyone chooses to learn something. I appreciate comments always.***

P.S. Just because I don't actively blog doesn't mean I still don't LOVE comments. Yes, I still check them. I guess I would just rather hear YOUR thoughts, than share mine.

If you missed the story, start reading the "Posts of Some Significance" located directly underneath and to the right of this. That's the story in a nutshell.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Hi! I'm wondering what questions you asked potential adoptive parents! We've been lucky to get alot of emails but they all seem the same. We're always asked if we want a boy or a girl, are we open to open adoption. That's it. What did u ask?

One thing I can honestly tell you is that I didn't ask enough questions. I was not educated on my options, and the lack of internet availability really didn't help that.


I asked basic things, like how long they had been together, why were they adopting, and would they tell the baby that they were adopted. I asked what they did for a living, if their family was supportive, and I really can't remember much else.

I always say that I "fell in love at first sight" with them, but as more time passes, and I reflect more and more on that first meeting...I have found myself wondering if I settled for them because that was the easy thing to do. That picking them in my fourth month meant I didn't have to worry about it anymore.The rest of this answer is probably going to get nasty, so consider this advance warning.

I cannot tell you where they live, what it is specifically that they do, how supportive their family actually is, and how they are dealing with adoption in their daily lives because they shut me out from all of that. If you are a follower of my blog, you know that they are privacy freaks, and while it did not raise red flags at the time, it does now. (Not that it matters, because once my signature went on the papers...I ceased to exist.)

If I had it to do over again, I would have asked more details about their lives, and maybe even asked to meet others who know them. I would have pried into their story of infertility, and really found out if they had come to terms with it. I would have asked if they knew that the baby I was carrying wouldn't FIX all of their problems. I would have looked over their adoption book, and Dear Birthmom letter a million times. I would have insisted that I have my own lawyer, since I am really out on my own regarding this adoption and all of its aftermath. I am stuck with bills that can't be fixed without having to "bother them", and have been in serious need of counseling. I would have worried less about how they felt, and more concerned with very serious issues that needed to be adressed and were not. I would have asked things like, "I know I am saying I'd like little to no information about the baby afterwards, but if I change my mind, are you willing to do be completely open with me?" I would have asked if they knew how to take pictures, because it seems like they don't. I would have asked so much more, had I known to ask.

Hindsight is always 20/20 though...lol.

Ask me anything

2 comments:

  1. I admire you more and more in every post that you write. I love your candid honesty and openness. Your experiences motivate me to be as reachable as I can be when the time comes that I'm finally an adoptive mom. Thank you for writing your side of the story.

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  2. I just wanted to say thank you for answering my question and tell you that I am so sorry for how you are being treated by the adoptive parents. Aside from the fact that they absolutely should have insisted on providing you with your own attorney, it makes me sad that they treat you so off handedly. Even though I believe their distance is more related to fear than actual meanness, it doesn't excuse it. I hope that my husband and I are lucky enough to be chosen by a young woman as intelligent and honest as you are. I'll definitely be thinking of how she feels - even more so because you've shared your story. Thanks again...

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