Welcome to the craziness that is my life!

This is my story in pieces. The good ones, the bad ones, and everything in between. It is messy and flawed...just like it's author. I am not a selfliss person...I am not an angel...I am a loud, opinionated, most of the time crazy, Mom. I write here the things I cannot discuss in my "day to day life". These views are my own, from my own journey. Adoption has changed my life forever, some for good, some not so good. If you don't agree with me, that's fine. It's not your story...it's mine. Consider it a manual on "How Not To Act/What Not To Do When You Are Pregnant and Considering Adoption". If you learn nothing else, learn to educate yourself to the long term affects on yourself, your family, and the child you chose to place.

Oh...and please, don't call me "bitter". I prefer the term "enlightened".


***DISCLAIMER-I don't speak for anyone but me...in this story or in life. It is here as an educational tool if anyone chooses to learn something. I appreciate comments always.***

P.S. Just because I don't actively blog doesn't mean I still don't LOVE comments. Yes, I still check them. I guess I would just rather hear YOUR thoughts, than share mine.

If you missed the story, start reading the "Posts of Some Significance" located directly underneath and to the right of this. That's the story in a nutshell.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

What are your adoption songs? The songs or song that just helps you?

Adoption songs...there are many! I will give major credit to Mr. Rob Thomas from Matchbox 20, because he seems to live in my dark parts and then make songs to bring them to light.
His song, "Her Diamonds" was the first song that touched me after the adoption. There are so many lines in it that really just spoke to what I was going through when the sadness stepped in to surprise me. It really described the absolute hopelessness that had set in...I couldn't get out of bed...I felt like there was "something less about me..." and so many others. The first time I heard it, I was actually sitting on the side of the road (I had pulled my car over on the way home from work to have a "scream why me?" at the top of my lungs moment) and it came on the radio. Right away, I stopped...breathed...and listened. If you've never heard the song, or googled the lyrics...I encourage you to! So powerful...and so right for the theme song to the war that my heart was battling with my head. The end verse says, "If she can find daylight, then she'll be alright. She'll be alright...just NOT tonight." That line was kind of a "light at the end of the tunnel" awakening for me. It gave me hope. I have spent over a year trying to find daylight...and while I am not there yet...I will be someday...

Which would be my second song..."Someday" by Rob Thomas. Its a survival song that talks about starting over, fighting back tears, and trying to get through to the other side. It's another song that gives hope to the future. I hope that someday, I get it all figured out.

"You Found Me" by the Fray really spoke to me too. Its a song written roughly along the lines of the famous "Footprints in the Sand" poem, and I can totally imagine seeing God on a street corner smoking a cigarette saying, "Ask Away...". I was really angry for awhile...angry at God, angry at everyone I knew, and REALLY angry at myself. I like the line, "In the end...everyone ends up alone. Losing her...the only one who's ever known...who I am, who I'm not, and who I wanna be. No way to know how long she will be next to me."

And for now, "Break Even" by the Script. It's actually a song about a girl breaking up with a guy, but if you overlook that like I do...lol...it's really fitting for a birthmom. It speaks to me from two sides...my feelings of grief for the baby, as well as my sadness that her mom could just move on so easy without me.

"I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing

Just prayed to a God that I don't believe in
'Cause I got time while she got freedom
'Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't break even"

"Her best days will be some of my worst
She finally met a man that's gonna put her first
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
'Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't break even, even, no...
What am I suppose to do
When the best part of me was always you?

What am I suppose to say
When I'm all choked up and you're okay?

I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces
They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding'

Cause she's moved on while I'm still grieving
Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't break even.

3 comments:

  1. "Haven't Met You Yet" by Michael Buble is totally our adoption anthem! From the perspective of a potentially adoptive parent it's so fitting. I even uploaded it to the home page of our website! LOL!

    http://thelyndfamily.webs.com/

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  2. I really like the song All At Once by The Fray. The certain line in the song that got me through placement was, "Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same."

    I like "Everything to me" by Mark Shultz

    Also I like, "A Mother's Prayer" by Celine Dion. Originally on Quest for Camelot.
    It kind of reminds me of something a birth mom would say to an adoptive mom.
    "I pray you'll be my eyes
    And watch her where she goes
    And help her to be wise
    Help me to let go"

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  3. do you like the 'footprints in the sand' song by leona lewis??? i think its on the playlist on the birthmothers4adoption blog ... but i cant remember which songs i put on there, it was so long ago! lol

    there have been so many songs that have spoken to me at various times since i got preggers.

    i still think 'battlefield' by jordan sparks is a great one for failed open adoptions!! lol

    i wrote an entire blog post with the song 'how can i not love you' by joy enriquez, trying to describe my love for the lil guy i placed.

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