I have lots of them...both in my situation, and in general. But instead of writing a lengthy response about what I think is broken in the adoption world, I am going to talk about the things I read in blogs, social networking sites, and in general that just annoys me to no end. Again, I will throw in my usual disclaimer, that I don't mean to offend...these are simply MY peeves.
I hate when people say "It takes more than being pregnant to be a mother". I hate it. It actually is one of the few things that an adoptive mom can say that makes me want to smack them in the face. It is usually said in defense of something, or as a way to justify that they are more important than a birthmother. And if that's not the reason, even if the reason is wonderful and beautiful then it still bugs me. If your birthmother had not gotten pregnant, you still would not be a mother. If she had not made the hard decision to place her child for adoption, had not selected you as parents, and had not chosen to place with you, and had not signed the relinquishment papers, you would not be a mother. All the skinned knees, late nights, first steps, first words, first visit with the cops (as is the case with my 8 year old...lol), first boyfriend, first prom, wedding, grandchildren...all of the reasons that people feel MAKE them parents...all of it would have never happened if she had chosen to parent. I know the warm and fuzzy thoughts behind the statement, but it makes me crazy to hear it. I love the expression, "Not under my heart, but in it." Much, much more fitting. You are a mother because you parent a child who is the world to you. No one would try to take that from you. Don't discount how that came to be.
And as a side note..With the three "darling" kiddos I have at home, in almost nine years,I have had to only deal with ZERO sleepless nights, 3 colds, one dog attack to the top of Tyler's Head, 2 broken hearts over girlfriends, 7 visits from the police department, and an enormous amount of stress in trying to do what's right for them, and never once have I jumped up and down and said, "Yeah! Now I'm a real mother!!!" Not even when my youngest cracked ME in the face with a toy and left me with a dime sized bump and scar right in the middle of my forehead.
Another thing I find annoying are the words "Chosen Child". Adoptive parents do not get to drive to the baby store and choose which little bundle of joy they will make their own. Adoptive parents are the chosen ones. Somewhere, somehow, for some reason, a birthmom chose you to raise the life she could not.
Another peeve is when other people say things like, "Oh the baby's so lucky to have you guys" or "Thank God you're getting that baby." Just once, I would like to see someone say, "How lucky you are that the birthmother chose you!" or "Good thing you were in the right place at the right time to get chosen!" You know, something that acknowledges what really happened.
Not all birthmothers are bad people, and not all adoptive parents are saints. And vice versa for sure. I hate when adoptive parents think their birthmoms are angels. Or when birthmoms think their adoptive moms are "better moms". Right, wrong, or indifferent...adoption generally happens (although NOT ALWAYS), when one mother cannot keep a child she is pregnant with for whatever reason, and chooses to give it to a mother who cannot have one herself. At its most raw form it is supply and demand. I have...you want. I can't...you're willing to try.
I also hate the following words or phrases: unwanted, give up, give away, unwanted pregnancy, deserving adoptive parents, generous people for taking this baby...I could go on and on and on.
And last but not least..."If you don't want it, I'll take it!" If you have ever been pregnant, you soon learn how many people (many of whom you don't even know) will come up and touch your stomach. Anytime I was pregant, it happened a lot. And it drove me crazy. For the adoption equivilant...When people hear you are considering adoption, they will come from all over and say, "Well you're just gonna give it away...let me have it". Like a baby is an old sweater, or pair of shoes that you can just give away. People who have no knowledge or respect of the very complicated process adoptive parents go through in able to be considered acceptable to adopt annoy the heck out of me.
Wow. Now I am kind of grumpy....lol. Thanks for the question!