Most of us can agree that there needs to be some adoption reform in this country. The majority of us believe that "open adoptions" are far more healthy and happy for all those involved versus "closed adoptions". Most of us are in agreement that adoptees have a RIGHT to their original birth certificates. There are lots of things that we agree on. There are lots of things that we don't.
Most of the time on this blog, I share with you all a piece of MY life, or MY story, or MY opinion on something, because after all...it's MY blog. This time, I don't want to talk "my"...I want to talk "why". This post is something different. This post, I want any and everyone who has some insight to lend to leave a comment. I want to hear from EVERYONE POSSIBLE who has been in one of these two situations.
Today, after a very dear friend of mine was devastated by a failed placement (a commonplace it seems in all adoptive parents stories except the ones I chose), it really got me thinking what is right versus what is "a right". Now I am only using that phrase because it sounds catchy. I am not interested in playing Judge and Jury. I won't even toss my own viewpoint into the mix since I technically have no firsthand experience in any of the two situations I am going to describe. But I want to know WHY? I want to gain an understanding that I don't currently have, and I want to share it with you...almost like a research paper. I know that this could get heated, and I am hoping to moderate that as much as possible. For the next week, I encourage you all to spread the word of this project, and let's see what kind of clarity we can reach. Use your blogs, use Facebook and Myspace, use word of mouth. Get people in these situations to speak up, so that I can compile a report of sorts to the two biggest questions I ask daily.
Right #1...An expectant mother can change her mind regarding an adoption plan ANY time before the papers are signed (and in some states for a set period of time after that).
Question #1...If you were involved in an adoption plan, and knew the potential adoptive parents, and had built a relationship with them, AND THEN changed your mind...tell me why. Please do not answer if you did not know them ahead of time. Please do not answer why you did NOT change your mind (although God knows I could talk for days about why I didn't.) I only want to hear from birthmothers who were set up to place and then changed their mind at the eleventh hour.
Right #2...An Adoptive couple can make any and all decisions as to contact with the birthmother once the appropriate papers are signed. Even in states with open adoption agreements, they are not easy to enforce.
Question #2...If you are an adoptive parent who promised a certain amount of contact and then did not follow through on your promises...tell me why. Please do not answer if you are an adoptive parent with great communication with your birthmother. Do not answer if you are a birthmother speculating about why your adoptive parents cut off contact. I want to hear from the actual aparents who said one thing and for whatever reason did another.
I GIVE YOU MY WORD...I will not judge your answers. This is as much a lesson for me to learn to be unbiased as anything. It is simply research. You may comment anonymously if you choose and I will not fault you for it. And because I DO MODERATE comments, I will NOT post any that rip apart someone's honest answers left here.
Curiousity is killing the cat here, and I would like to gain a better understanding.
Until next week my friends...now GET THE WORD OUT!!!!