Friday, October 29, 2010
I'm here...I'm just thinking.
Yes, I am still here. I have spoken with the majority of my "inner circle" and spent a lot of time processing everything that has occured this week. But those of you not in the circle, have send numerous emails and FB messages, that I haven't had time to respond to. I don't want you to think I have forgotten you. Or worse, that I am ignoring you. I'm still here...I am just thinking.
Saturday night I got an interesting, brutally honest email from L* and M*. There were a lot of things that I have been wondering for a really long time, and I finally have an answer sitting in my lap. All I can say for sure at this time, is "Be Careful What You Wish For...You Just Might Get It". LOL.
I have been trying to process through the wide range of emotions that this email brought. For two straight days, I had rivers of tears running out of my eyeballs (the kind where you aren't even "actively crying"...they just won't stop falling), so typing was a non issue. Since then, I have refrained from writing anything here, until I have calmed down, had time to think, and found some type of clarity from it. I have six posts sitting in draft format, that will be published soon, so I promise to have something exciting for you all to read soon.
I am a hot head by nature, which for me means that I get upset, EXPLODE, and then five minutes later don't even remember what I was angry about. And if adoption has taught me anything....it is patience and restraint. (Though I am obviously still learning that.)
I am glad I didn't fire off anything crazy about the situation, and instead took time to think it through and find different perspectives from my own. To try and see things from an alternative viewpoint. To NOT find a place to dump blame, but to find how to live the rest of life at the bad end of a horrible miscommunication. To those of you who stepped up and said, "HEY....What about this?" Or "Think about if from this perspective?" Or "What about when you said......"
I THANK YOU!!! For having the courage to love me enough to say what you were really thinking, instead of what you thought I wanted to hear.
So hang in there. And chant the Serenity Prayer a couple thousand times in my honor if you feel so inclined.
I'll post soon.