I get asked A LOT how it is that I can advocate positively for adoption when my own adoption is not anything like what I would like. The answer is simple...
"Those who can't...TEACH"
I don't advocate for how to have a successful open adoption. I don't have one. I may never have one. I didn't take the proper precautions needed in order to have one, and I chose a couple whom recently shared with me that they never wanted one. (More on that later this month) The reason I advocate is simple...I advocate for education.
I write my views on my story because I want people to know what can happen if you do not take the proper steps to EDUCATE yourself on your options, and the cause and effect of a very big decision. I write so that expectant moms considering adoption will have a "What-not-to-do" manual on making decisions in a very stressful time in their lives. I write so that even if an expectant mom is "iffy" about the motives of adoption agencies, she will still take the time to find a professional to speak with so that she can receive counseling, and legal direction. NO ONE can do this alone, and there is NEVER a reason not to have legal representation. I assure you, that once the signature goes onto the paper, and you find yourself on the wrong side of the law...you'll wish you had....but I digress.
I write so that anyone who runs across my blog in Arizona will AVOID the Maricopa County Attorney's Office and all of the bullshit that comes with them. I write so that current and future adoptive parents will realize that Birthmothers are people, not incubators, and that sometimes feelings will change, and we as humans should be willing to change as well.
I write so that people may realize that unless you have lived it, you cannot even begin to fathom all of the things that adoption, and relinquishment, and all that comes with it, will bring.
And above all, I write so that when the time comes (be it many years from now), a certain young lady will be able to know that while I couldn't fix the mistakes I made, and that I couldn't make any forward progress with her parents, I made sure that I did everything in my power so that others in the situation I was in, would be able to have the relationship that has been shown time and time again to be healthiest and happiest for someone in her position.
But those are just my views. My point was, and is, that I feel education is important.VERY IMPORTANT. A few weeks ago, I was contacted by Dawn Davenport of http://www.creatingafamily.org and she asked if she could use one of my posts on her site's blog. If you've never checked out the site, it is pretty incredible. And pretty huge when it comes to popularity. I was shocked at how popular it was. And beyond honored, once I realized what a big site it was, and that she wanted to share MY crazy ramblings on it. So I waited a few weeks, and she recently emailed me to tell me she had featured it. You can find it by clicking here, but you have to click "Read the full Post" and then click the link to read the actual post on my blog.
It is not a new post. It was written in July of this year, shortly after my dear friend Meg (who is featured on the Fab 5 section of my blog) tried to reach out to L* and M*, as an adoptive Momma who is living a successful open adoption, offering support and answers to any questions that they may have. Meg's offer was politely declined, but if it achieved anything, it did give me the five best pictures I have ever seen of that amazing little girl. BEAUTIFUL..but again...I have lost focus.
The best part of being featured at that wonderful site is simple. Over the last two days, my blog has been clicked on over 875 times. Usually, I get ten clicks a day. Now of course, that totally strokes my little ego and makes me feel important. But the real epiphany of those clicks is this...There are a heck of a lot of people looking at my blog. Which means there are a whole lot of people who will get to be introduced to my version of my story. Which means there is an awfully good chance that someone, somewhere, from some post, might learn something. And all of the pain, the suffering, the mistakes, the learning from those mistakes, the epiphanys, the clarity, and the good, bad, and ugly...ALL OF IT, will be there...just waiting to educate people.
I will never be able to go back and right my wrongs. I will never be able to convince the only set of people that matter that adoption is meant to be a journey, not a destination. But guess what....somewhere down the road, someone in my position will know better than to try and do it on their own...and for now, that's all that matters.
Thank you Dawn!