Welcome to the craziness that is my life!

This is my story in pieces. The good ones, the bad ones, and everything in between. It is messy and flawed...just like it's author. I am not a selfliss person...I am not an angel...I am a loud, opinionated, most of the time crazy, Mom. I write here the things I cannot discuss in my "day to day life". These views are my own, from my own journey. Adoption has changed my life forever, some for good, some not so good. If you don't agree with me, that's fine. It's not your story...it's mine. Consider it a manual on "How Not To Act/What Not To Do When You Are Pregnant and Considering Adoption". If you learn nothing else, learn to educate yourself to the long term affects on yourself, your family, and the child you chose to place.

Oh...and please, don't call me "bitter". I prefer the term "enlightened".

***DISCLAIMER-I don't speak for anyone but me...in this story or in life. It is here as an educational tool if anyone chooses to learn something. I appreciate comments always.***

P.S. Just because I don't actively blog doesn't mean I still don't LOVE comments. Yes, I still check them. I guess I would just rather hear YOUR thoughts, than share mine.

If you missed the story, start reading the "Posts of Some Significance" located directly underneath and to the right of this. That's the story in a nutshell.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Thankful for the little things...

The moments of happiness we enjoy most take us by surprise. It is not that we seize them, but that they seize us.”


When I made the mistake of asking for a picture once a month from my AParents, it was quickly denied. My intention was to get on a regular schedule so that I could stop checking my email several times a day, every day (Yes...I was more than a little hopeful...and obsessed...lol), and instead "know" that there was only one opportunity per set time period to receive one. Either it would be there or it wouldn't. It seemed like a reasonable request, at the time.

Apparently, it wasn't. For reasons unknown to me, they decided on only offering a picture three times a year. January 30, May 30, and September 30th. A logical explanation would be that they divided the year into segments of four months. In my bitterness, I was convinced that they chose those three months strictly to prevent me from ever seeing anything "important". No Halloween, No Easter, No Birthday (Mine or Hers), No Christmas, No Thanksgiving, and CERTAINLY no Mother's Day. Who really knows why they chose those months? Who really cares? It is what it is, and three times is better than zero times, especially if they knew they never wanted an open adoption.

Then, surprisingly, on Thanksgiving, there was a beautiful picture of their little one sitting in my email. Completely unexpected...completely unplanned, and one amazing blessing on a wonderful Thanksgiving. I can't share it here, but let's just say...she's so big, so darn cute, and surprisingly, looks more like M* than she does me or Perry...lol. We both got a kick out of that. :)

So now the question....I told them in the middle of the last email exchange to let me know if they wanted me to respond to their emails, and otherwise I wouldn't. They didn't ask, and wished us a good holiday season (which means I probably won't get lucky with cute christmas pictures). Based on those rules, I should take the email and run. But I am really, truly, genuinely surprised and elated that they took time out of their Thanksgiving to think of me. And I don't want them to think anything otherwise. Do I break the rules and say thank you...or just let it go?

Why is this so darn complicated???


  1. I have a huge smile on my face for you!!! I'm dearly hoping that her parents were overcome with thankfulness to you and for having her in their lives that they realized that sending a picture is the very least they could do. It gives me hope that they will some day come to "doing the right thing" and allow you more of a relationship with her. Yeah!!

  2. I think that saying "Thank you" is fine because this surprise was just that, a surprise. It was not part of "The Rules" as they have set them so I feel you should be free to thank them.

    Let them know you appreciate anything they want to send you..

    Leave the door wide open so if they start to relax, they will see the value of it and walk through it..

    Even if they dont, you know that you have done everything on your end to create and maintain the connection.

    Thank yous and gratitude should always be shared..

    Do what you are comfortable with, what you feel is the right thing..

    With love,

  3. say thank you.
    short simple and sweet.

    for ex-
    thank you endlessly for this surprise, words cannot express! she is simply beautiful happy healthy and we love that she looks so much like M. im (or we) so grateful for adoption and that she has everything i (or we) wanted for her. wishing you and yours blessings and holiday joy. love michelle, perry and family
    and attach a recent pic of you all

  4. My heart goes out to you! I do not know your A-parents and so I reserve judgment for the choice they made, but it seems a monthly photo is such a small thing to give in return of the HUGE blessing you gave them. Again, not judging them at all. And thankful with you that something in their hearts prompted them to share an "unscheduled" photo with you.

  5. Saying "thank you" without asking for more is always kind, no matter the situation. She will want to know how you felt, I'm sure. Sounds cliche, I know, but this really warmed my heart today (and it's below freezing here!). Love you!

  6. I would simply respond with a "Thank you". It will show that you appreciate and acknowledge their efforts. I hope you get more pics as the time goes on. Happy belated Thanksgiving.

  7. I also think "thank you" is appropriate. Rules or not that family cares about you. They are just afraid of "you" ("you" as in what they know or think they know about birthmoms). I like what Desha wrote, too. As an adoptive parent it's always nice to hear gratitude for adoption from the birthmother's perspective.

  8. I agree with Desha :) I am so happy you got a pic of her beautiful face! xoxo miss u

  9. I would say Thank-you very much for the picture. I like short and sweet.

    Although I must admit, I like the idea of adding another sentence that says, "We got a kick out seeing that she looks more like you, M, than either of us."

    Don't ask for explanations and don't ask for more. But I feel like prayers are being answered! Don't you?

  10. Well, I agree with everyone here and I am miffed because I commented the day you wrote this but apparently I did not follow through with the verification that is required. Grrrrr! I feel like a tool!

    Remember when we had that converstation when I was there about how you would always comment on that one blog but you never saw your comments???? Now I know how you feel!

    And So So So SO SOOOOOO happy that you got that email! Heart is leaping for you! Mwah!


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