Welcome to the craziness that is my life!

This is my story in pieces. The good ones, the bad ones, and everything in between. It is messy and flawed...just like it's author. I am not a selfliss person...I am not an angel...I am a loud, opinionated, most of the time crazy, Mom. I write here the things I cannot discuss in my "day to day life". These views are my own, from my own journey. Adoption has changed my life forever, some for good, some not so good. If you don't agree with me, that's fine. It's not your story...it's mine. Consider it a manual on "How Not To Act/What Not To Do When You Are Pregnant and Considering Adoption". If you learn nothing else, learn to educate yourself to the long term affects on yourself, your family, and the child you chose to place.

Oh...and please, don't call me "bitter". I prefer the term "enlightened".


***DISCLAIMER-I don't speak for anyone but me...in this story or in life. It is here as an educational tool if anyone chooses to learn something. I appreciate comments always.***

P.S. Just because I don't actively blog doesn't mean I still don't LOVE comments. Yes, I still check them. I guess I would just rather hear YOUR thoughts, than share mine.

If you missed the story, start reading the "Posts of Some Significance" located directly underneath and to the right of this. That's the story in a nutshell.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Pandora's Box

Like the new song that plays when my blog pops up? It's called "The Crow and the Butterfly" and it's by Shinedown. Great song.

Brent Smith explained on a radio interview program, Rockline, that while the band was writing the new album, he had a dream about a mother whose son passes away. He wrote the song about the mom dealing with the death of her child and trying to move on. On a blog on the Shinedown website, Brent Smith said this about the song: "For me lyrically this was one of the most intense stories I have ever written. But I know the song means something different to everyone."

For me...it was a song about trying to move forward instead of staying stuck in misery.

I recently purchased a large decorated box, and this fantastic glittery looking sticker that says "Hope" and created my own little Pandora's Box. Following the mythology about it, I placed the sticker in the center of the bottom, and began to load it up.

Into the box went all the emails, all the pictures of Lauren I had printed, the necklace I have still not worked up the courage to resend her Momma..(Click Here to read that story!).the recordable Hallmark storybook I ordered for her birthday "All the ways I love you." (Yet again...another gift I spent a ton of  time picking out, and then chickened out before sending it...worried it might be deemed threatening or offensive), the hardcopy of the blog, the statcounter reports that show where the communication could have grown but stunted instead, and everything else that was of any importance to me regarding them.

Anything that was sentimental or sacred went into this box, and I said a little prayer and then closed it up. I slid it into the top of my closet, and stood there for a minute, waiting to see if the ground would open and swallow me whole. It didn't. It was just me, talking to myself in the closet. It didn't give me closure...partly because I am not interested in closure. She is still out there living, playing, smiling....and she is still very much a part of me, of my heart. Keeping all of those items, sealed safely in that big, beautiful box helps me to breath better...stay away from the computer a lot easier...and to better manage my feelings regarding this adoption. Let's just say for now...the situation is contained.

That's all. Nothing profound here today. :)








8 comments:

  1. I'd say that's a pretty profound thing you did there, something for your comfort and survival, caring for yourself and good for you!

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  2. Not profound?! Of course it is! I love the idea of your Pandora's Box. I just hope when the time comes to open your Pandora's Box that it won't be viewed as the "evils" anymore (by those who have struggled in this journey), but as the good you've done and the evidence of love that you have.

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  3. This is very profound.. My hope for you is that some day..her parents become less guarded and she gets to uncover all the love and wonderfulness of this box!

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  4. I just read your post about the necklace and am sorry things are the way they are. I can't understand why people make it so difficult. Adoption is meant to be about love~Not insecurity. Glad you are coping, but sad to see it being made so hard for you when theres nothing positive to be gained from that.

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  5. I placed my son 25 years ago this week. So glad I happened upon your blog. Whilst the years between us are many, the issues all remain the same. Thanks so much for sharing. M

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  6. My new book called "Separated Lives" is a true story about the adoption of a baby boy. Years later I take him on a fascinating but uncertain journey to search for his birth parents. It is available from Dorrance Publishing (in Pittsburgh, PA) www.DorranceBookstore.com, Barnes & Noble barnesandnoble.com and Amazon.com
    Author: Lynn Assimacopoulos

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  7. My new book called "Separated Lives" is a true story about the adoption of a baby boy. Years later I take him on a fascinating but uncertain journey to search for his birth parents. It is available from Dorrance Publishing (in Pittsburgh, PA) www.DorranceBookstore.com, Barnes & Noble barnesandnoble.com and Amazon.com
    Author: Lynn Assimacopoulos

    ReplyDelete

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